Coaching… so just what does it mean?
‘Coaching’ is a word you seem to hear frequently if you work in education. Some think it a faddish thing. For others, it seems to sit on the school development year in, year out without taking a huge amount of traction. Some staff use it interchangeably to mean different things whilst other educationalists are very clear about when coaching should be used, and with whom. One thing’s for sure though; it’s a word that hasn’t gone away and continues to make an appearance at an educational setting near you… More recently, schools, teachers and leaders have been embracing an approach which is referred to as instructional coaching and, by and large, it certainly seems to be working for those who are using it – both for mentors and for mentees. This said, for me, coaching in it’s purest sense, as I understand it, is very different to instructional coaching. The latter process is more aligned with mentoring or telling and the former often uses quality planned questions to empower the coachee. Of course, both have their place. In the first our of EduCaveman blogs we explored the extent to which our schools and our system are afflicted with the Extreme Negativity Bias and how this phenomenon impacted on school culture. As an educator with an interest in school culture it was near impossible to overlook how, over the years, the many educators I have worked with, have used coaching as a tool with huge potential to bring about or strengthen cultural transformation, and lessen the impact of the Extreme Negativity Bias. I am very careful when and how I use the word coaching as I am well aware that it means different things to different people. I hear it used continually and often it does not accurately describe the user’s approach. Let me clarify. “Did you have a good afternoon?” “I did. I was coaching my trainee” “Excellent, what were you discussing?” “I was advising her on effective behaviour management strategies” “OK. How?” “Well, I was chatting through my list of my top ten approaches which I have compiled over the years” “Did she find it useful?” “Absolutely. She didn’t say a word. She just seemed in awe of me and my list…” A crude interchange but do please bear with me. This exchange between staff seems more akin to mentoring or telling than it does coaching. With the very best intentions, the more seasoned member of staff was imparting her accumulated wisdom and acting as the ‘expert’ in the scenario above. Did this exchange presuppose that the trainee might already have some of the answers / strategies / solutions within her already? Possibly not. OK, so what actually is coaching? Coaching is the art of facilitating the performance, learning and the development of another. Myles Downey - one of the world’s leading practitioners and thinkers in business coaching For me, Myles Downey, very neatly captures the essence of coaching in the quote above. In fact, it was this very quote that propelled me to find out more and begin my own coaching journey. In 2006 I picked up a book which changed my thinking and my approach forever - Coaching for Performance by Sir John Whitmore. In fact, not only did the guidance in this book permeate my professional approach, it also transgressed my personal life too – particularly into relationships. We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Epictetus - Greek Philosopher If you were to speak with either my wife or close friends, I am fairly confident that the consensus of opinion would be that I am now a much better listener; what’s more, through the use of coaching questions, I am much more able to help my friends untangle their thinking often helping them feel more empowered, confident and energised. The best and most succinct way in which I can explain the difference between coaching and mentoring is this: coaching is asking; mentoring is telling. If you adopt a coaching approach you seek to empower the person you are working with. You assume that the solution to the challenges they face reside within them. Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them learn rather than teaching them. Sir John Whitmore - a pioneer of the executive coaching industry Typically, a coach does not act as an expert but comes to a conversation offering a service, acting as an equal partner, a sounding board, a mirror for the colleague to share their perception of reality and articulate their own solutions and ways forward. The role of a coach is more akin to that of a facilitator; through powerful and deliberate questioning a coach can elicit the solution(s) from their coachee or unlock their potential. Before every coaching session I will typically remind myself that the guiding agenda for the session is my coachee’s success. This often helps me to fight my natural instinct to ‘help’ with advice or telling. I try hard, where I can, to leave judgment at the door. Linked to the point above, I think it would be both helpful and relevant to explore the role of a School Advisor. As someone, who sometimes wears this particular badge, I wear it with a certain amount of unease. Why? Because, for the most part, it isn’t how I like to work. Seek first to understand and then be understood. Dr. Stephen Covey - American educator, author, businessman and keynote speaker And, on the occasions when I forget myself, an in-built mechanism pushes Dr Covey’s wise words (seek first to understand) to the very forefront of my mind. But surely, advising is part of my job? Well, yes it is, but I like to embrace another presupposition. For most colleagues I work with, from trainee teachers to CEOs, I assume that the solutions to any challenges they may well be experiencing and discussing with me, are lurking somewhere within them. My job then, through careful questioning and active listening, is to elicit them. Why can’t the person you are working with be the authority, especially given that it is their school, their culture and their vision? After all, it is their problem or challenge and I am merely a guest in their workplace. The moment I sort it out or solve it, I am fostering a relationship of dependency. Occasionally when I am working with schools who find themselves in a tight spot with little time and I am asked for my advice. I will sometimes revert to a more instructional approach, acting as the ‘expert,’ trying where possible, to provide a menu of options to ensure there is a degree of ownership and autonomy. If I am asked which option I would choose, I would, of course, express my preference; however, this is not my preferred way of working. My point is that I try, where I can, to live by a professional mantra – ask more and tell less – it is as simple as that. If you’re like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. Dr. Stephen Covey Ask more and tell less? So, what exactly do I mean? I try, where I can, to facilitate the thinking and learning of the people I work with. Telling, for me, is the poor relation to asking. A person’s commitment to action is far stronger if they own their solutions or next steps. Alex Danson, the hockey Gold medallist from Rio, is an excellent illustration of this crucial last point. When she was younger and trying to break into the England hockey team, the Team Manager challenged her to improve her fitness and stamina in matches. She requested that her father help her and asked him to wake her up every morning to go out for a run. He said he wouldn’t do this; however, if she were to wake up and knock on his door, he would always join her no matter the weather (which he did). This subtle difference encouraged a far greater commitment to action from Alex, and the rest, as they say, is history. For me, empowering colleagues through a coaching approach is often more preferable and, in my experience, can result in powerful longer-term changes for the better which can build both confidence and capacity in teams and organisations. A good coach is positive. Your job when coaching is not correcting mistakes, finding fault, and assessing blame. Instead, your function is achieving goals by coaching your staff to peak performance. Focusing on the positive means that you start with what’s good and what works and spend your attention and energy there. Marshall Cook – business author, and Laura Poole – associate certified coach You can see then that coaching is an approach which is vastly different to mentoring. No better, no worse – just different. Whilst some teachers may naturally use a coaching approach, typically, the art of coaching can go against the grain. It did for me as a teacher, and for a while, it felt excruciatingly uncomfortable. I can remember my early cynicism. I’m a teacher for goodness sake; I am here to teach. You can’t just keep asking questions! Despite myself, I persisted - something that is definitely needed in the beginning. When working with pupils and staff alike, I deliberately took a stance of curiosity. I made a concerted effort to ask more and tell less. My absolute conversion and commitment to the coaching approach was sealed as I began to see my staff growing in confidence and autonomy. This, I very much enjoyed watching. I shortly thereafter made another mental link which I have not since forgotten - a genuine personal eureka moment. A colleague, and I can’t remember who, once said to me, ‘we want our classrooms to be full of independent, self-regulating learners. Our job is, essentially, to make ourselves redundant.’ I have to admit that I found this idea somewhat strange at first. I guess, for me, the notion of redundancy, and the impact on my teacher ego, was not particularly palatable. However, I eventually acquiesced and later fully embraced this idea. It is still a central tenet of my thinking and one I hold dear. Anyway, that is not the point. For me, as a wet-behind-the-ears leader, the penny dropped when I realised that my colleague’s quote rang true for grown-ups too; substitute ‘classrooms’ for ‘staffrooms’: ‘’we want our staffrooms to be full of independent, self-regulating learners. Our job is, essentially, to make ourselves redundant.’ I am a real advocate of coaching and truly believe in the power of coaching to transform organisational culture, nowhere more so than in education. Having embraced and used coaching as a tool since the early noughties, I can’t think of a more potent medicine which can help to lessen the cultural damage which has been inflicted by the Extreme Negativity Bias. If what you’ve read resonates, visit www.educaveman.co.uk. EduCaveman is an empowering book for ALL educators which dares to dream of the schools we all want. It marries a nourishing blend of humour with school reality which invites teachers and school leaders to reflect on, and move beyond, some of the more grating and long accepted educational practices. Prioritising people over paper, EduCaveman is a refreshing elixir which oozes practical positivity and imbues professional confidence. EduCaveman will be available to purchase in the Autumn Term
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Before you read on, we invite you to take a moment and reflect on what would happen if we were to refocus the energy and mindset we currently apply to seeking out what isn’t working in schools towards finding out what is working… imagine that!
Be More dog Recently, I spent some time with old friends from my school days. We had a great get-together and plenty of time to chat. One conversation stood out above the rest. As well as making me laugh, it resonated with me and had me scrambling for a notebook and pen to write it down. My old mate Seamus was talking about his love of dogs and how much he enjoyed being in their company. I jokingly said, “You seem to love your dogs more than your family.” He looked me in the eye and replied, “Of course I do, they mean the world to me.” Knowing I had dogs, he continued by saying, “Look, suppose you were to accidentally lock your partner and dog in the garage. You then go out for a few drinks and a spot of lunch with your friends and return some five hours later a little worse for wear. What do you think would be the outcome?” (Should you ever find yourself in this scenario, our strong recommendation would be to contact Relate immediately!) Before I got the chance to answer, he added, “Let me help you. On your return, you walk down the drive and become aware of your error when you hear screaming and shouting and a little barking and scratching (which you hope is the dog) from your garage. Your heart sinks and you have a sick feeling (plus the hope you didn’t leave the hammer accessible) as you head to free your accidental hostages. “What do you think will happen when your victims are freed? Yes, you guessed right. Your partner will go beyond ballistic, calling you all the names under the sun, including the old favourites that normally crop up at these moments: ‘You’re useless’, ‘You never think of me’, ‘Why didn’t you answer your phone?’, ‘Did it not occur to that tiny brain of yours what you had done?’ The atmosphere for the rest of the evening will be cool to borderline permafrost and thawing will take you well beyond the next UN climate change talks! “Meanwhile, your other victim, the dog, will greet you with her tail wagging while barking loudly and trying desperately to give you a big lick. This will continue for the next few minutes as she contorts her body in an S-like motion, wanting to show you affection. When you settle down to watch television later that evening, she will nuzzle up to you on the sofa after realising you have been put into forced isolation in your own home.” I found Seamus’s tale quite thought-provoking. Both victims love you; one married you and helped you to raise a family, the other you purchased as a puppy (or rescued) and took home to become part of your family. However, their responses couldn’t be more different. You see, your partner is like most people (myself included) and hardwired to find fault – the old negativity bias at work again. In this situation, they quickly lose sight of your strengths, the core reasons they have stuck with you for the last twenty years: you’re great with the kids, you make them laugh, you’re sensitive and you’re always honest and kind, etc. But because of your blunder, their brain filters out your many strengths and focuses on the error, which leads them to think you’re stupid, forgetful and are always out with your mates. The dog, however, loves you unconditionally and, despite being held captive for the same five hours, focuses only on your strengths. She is incapable of seeing anything other than the best in you; her love shines through. After all, you feed her, show her lots of affection, take her for great walks, give her treats and even pick up her poo! Therefore, on your return, she is as happy as Larry to see you. In her mind, there is no need to remind you of your silly, small error. Dogs seem to be hardwired to value and trust those around them. They see the best in you always. I reflected on this story for a while and began to see its relevance to school life and systems that can, on occasion, make us feel cautious and push us firmly on to the back foot. Establishing a default setting in us to focus on the negative and see the worst in situations and sometimes, sadly, in others, too. What receives attention or focus becomes what we (or the client) strive(s) for and eventually becomes a reality. Erika Stoerkel – coach and author A key message throughout our book is the joy of finding strengths in others, acknowledging their contributions, celebrating their success and remembering to say thank you – the very thrust of our tale above. I would suggest a good start to finding strengths is to focus your efforts on the potential of informal feedback - an undervalued yet extremely powerful form of feedback for highlighting staff strengths and giving a positive message and available for all to use at a moment's notice. This kind of feedback is often given during the brief interactions as staff move around the school sharing time together – hence the importance of wearing out your shoe leather, which we explored in our recent blog. Although snatched in a moment and rarely planned, this kind of feedback is so often affirmative; we would therefore advocate that you plan intentional walkabouts to tell staff the ‘good stuff’. It is irrelevant whether this praise is given by a teacher or someone in a leadership role. It confirms to the recipient the good things they are doing. For example, “Loved the assembly”, “The choir sang beautifully” or “Thanks for all your planning ideas the other evening.” You get the picture. If delivered sincerely, how can this feedback not lead to happier, more positive staff and encourage stronger relationships across the school? After all, it is the very glue that binds a school community together. There are two things people want more than sex and money –recognition and praise. Mary Kay Ash – an American businesswoman who founded Mary Kay Cosmetics When it occurs regularly, informal feedback is potent and transformational. This is because it lifts our spirits, motivates us and makes us feel good. Why wouldn’t it? It also helps us to understand and clarify our strengths, giving us licence to do more of the same. In effect, we are spreading a little kindness around the school and creating and/or modelling a culture through these actions, ensuring staff are more likely to go the extra mile for the pupils, the school and its community. 'The most powerful drug in the world is kindness. It works for everyone, it's very hard to get the dose wrong and it's free at the point of delivery.' (Quoted in Private Eye) Dr Phil Hammond – NHS doctor, private eye journalist, campaigner & comic Ultimately, if an individual feels good about themselves, and more emotionally connected to the school and its culture, they are more likely to do more of the same and even exceed what is required of them. They will become intrinsically motivated to go beyond their job description – discretionary effort in action. This will then impact their team’s performance, and any goodwill generated will permeate the school community’s culture. Easy really! Giving positive feedback to colleagues is such a simple thing to do, and yet it is so often neglected. Why? We have a theory about this that we call silent praise; an unconscious phenomenon that is happening in schools across the land. Typically, silent praise happens when staff walk around the school with their praise firmly locked in their heads. They know you are a great teacher, and they know you worked incredibly hard last week setting up the online parents’ evening, but it would seem they just don’t know how to acknowledge this and say thank you. They think that you will somehow pick up this praise via telepathy as they smile at you knowingly. They believe their mere presence is saying all they need to say. Consequently, your inner voice provides you with the all-too-familiar reassurance of, “I must be doing OK as no one has told me otherwise.” I’m sure you’ll agree that in these circumstances, silence is certainly not golden. Let’s knock that myth on the head immediately. We know that staff need to hear the good stuff, and regularly. Imagine going through life with your partner without ever shining a light on the joy you gain from being with them, assuming that because you are thinking it, this will be enough. I am not a counsellor, but I can assure you that this will lead to problems from the outset. Your relationship will undoubtedly be tested. If you don’t believe me, try silent praise for a week at home and let us know the outcome at #yourewonderfulbutsorryIdidnttellyou. Now think of the lovely staff in your department or throughout the whole school, who may go a week, or even a term, without any informal positive feedback or praise. Yes, this can happen. Imagine how they feel as they drive home. Check it out at #whydoIbothernobodyreallycares. So, if you are one of those people who find this approach difficult, then start practising. Find some time to get out and pass on the praise. (We suggest you avoid giving it randomly to passing pedestrians but instead focus on your team!) If you feel awkward, remember that you’re probably not alone, especially if you are not the gushy type. Giving praise and positive feedback doesn’t always come easily to people, especially in the busy world of schools and classrooms. In this situation, you may have to adapt your style, because others may be reliant on feedback and someone being effusive about their practice. So, ‘fake it till you make it’ and one day you’ll genuinely feel it. After all, we are teachers, and most of us have at least one Oscar nomination in the Best Actor/Actress category for some of our performances! If what you’ve read resonates, visit www.educaveman.co.uk. EduCaveman is an empowering book for ALL educators which dares to dream of the schools we all want. It marries a nourishing blend of humour with school reality which invites teachers and school leaders to reflect on, and move beyond, some of the more grating and long accepted educational practices. Prioritising people over paper, EduCaveman is a refreshing elixir which oozes practical positivity and imbues professional confidence. EduCaveman will be available to purchase in the Summer Term |
Dave Cole and
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